


melancholy deja vu

by priorwalter



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Episode 9 spoilers, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past One-Sided Cherry/Adam, Post-Episode s01e09 We Were Special Back Then
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29892243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/priorwalter/pseuds/priorwalter
Summary: Kaoru frowned. “I don’t know if I’ll ever stop caring what he thinks.”“You loved him,” Kojiro said. “I think that’s normal.”“So did you.”“It wasn’t the same for me.”Kaoru closed his eyes. “No, it wasn’t.”-A series of vignettes.
Relationships: Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom
Comments: 12
Kudos: 391





	melancholy deja vu

**Author's Note:**

> this is so soppy i am almost embarrassed to post it but i felt like cherry deserved something nice after the last episode. title from the song of the same name. enjoy!

“Wake up, Kaoru.”

Kaoru blinked. Head pounding, he pulled himself off of the table he’d fallen asleep on to find Kojiro’s golden eyes peering down at him. 

“What.”

“You’ll take my head off in the morning if I let you sleep here all night,” Kojiro pointed out. “Come on, my place is closer.” 

“I’m going home,” Kaoru corrected. “Your apartment is trash.”

Kojiro began turning off the lights, preparing to lock up the restaurant for the night. “Then I’ll go with you.” It was surprisingly accommodating; though they each had their own place, Kojiro and Kaoru rarely spent the night alone and whose apartment they would return to was an argument that occurred almost nightly. 

“I don’t need you to take care of me, Kojiro,” Kaoru hissed. “I’m alright.” 

“You can’t walk.”

“I am fine.”

“Maybe I just want to spend the night with my boyfriend, hm?” 

“I’m not your boyfriend.” And it was only a little bit of a lie. Kojiro was the one person who’d stuck with him through everything; they rarely spent a free minute apart. It felt trivial to call him his _boyfriend._

“Indulge me for just one night, dumbass,” Kojiro said. “If something happens you’ll haunt me from beyond the grave and I’ll never get rid of you.”

“Fuck you.”

Kojiro laughed. “Maybe when your arm’s not in a sling.” 

Kaoru sighed. “Fine. But we’re going to my apartment.” 

“Christ, Kaoru, it’s so _far—”_

“Kojiro.”

Brushing a stray hair off of Kaoru’s face, Kojiro grinned lopsidedly. “Fine.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t hate your apartment so much if you actually cleaned it once in a while,” Kaoru muttered.

“Oi, four-eyes, not all of us bring maids in to do the cleaning for us.” 

“That’s because you can’t afford it, idiot, which is entirely your own fault.” 

“At least _my_ apartment looks like someone actually lives in it, instead of some robot—”

“Don’t talk about Carla like that, you—”

-

“I’m worried about Reki and Langa,” Kojiro said.

Kaoru scoffed, but the sound was muffled by the pillow. “Will you go the fuck to sleep already.”

Kojiro tugged on his hair. “You’re not sleeping either. I know what you look like when you’re sleeping.”

“So you’re a pervert and a creep,” Kaoru snapped. “Do you want something from me?”

Kojiro sat up and crossed his legs. The silver moonlight filtered in through the window, casting a soft light over his face. Morning was fast approaching, but Kaoru felt like the night would stretch on forever. “I’m worried about Reki and Langa,” Kojiro repeated. “I’ve tried to talk to Reki, but he won’t listen.” 

“You’re worried he’ll turn out like Adam.”

Kojiro didn’t reply. Instead, he stared across the room, seemingly entranced by the blank wall across from the bed. Finally, he said, “Your roots are starting to show. We’ll have to dye it soon.” 

“I am in no state to dye my hair, Kojiro.”

Kojiro tugged on his hair. “I know, idiot. When you’re better.” 

Kaoru laughed, bitter and short. It strained his bruised ribs and he winced, curling in on himself. “It might be a while, then.” Kojiro only continued to stare sightlessly, lost in thought.

If it were any other night, Kaoru would have jabbed Kojiro in the ribs, or perhaps tugged him back into bed. As it was, moving was too much of an effort. Instead, he took Kojiro’s hand in his own, squeezing it. “Why are you being so quiet? I know thoughts must be hard with your ape brain, but something’s wrong when you’re not spouting your usual inane bullshit.”

“Things with Adam are far beyond out of hand,” Kojiro said, finally making eye contact with Kaoru. “It’s dangerous. Especially for Langa.” 

“We could never tell Adam what to do, even back then,” Kaoru pointed out. “If he won’t take me seriously even skating he won’t listen to reason.” 

“I know that.” Kojiro ran a hand through his unruly hair, a nervous habit he’d never quite managed to drop in all the years Kaoru had known him. “I don’t think Langa does.”

“I’m sure he’ll learn, sooner or later.” The words sent a sense of dread down Kaoru’s spine; he’d never been afraid of Adam before tonight. He’d admired him, once, and hated him, but never feared him. 

“I’m confident Reki and Langa will figure things out, and if anyone can talk some sense into Langa, it’s Reki.” 

“We thought we could make up with Adam,” Kaoru pointed out. Though it had been seven years since they were left behind, Adam still stung like a wound that never closed. Kojiro had given up years ago, but Kaoru clung to the hope that he might get closure. 

Having Adam put him in the hospital was one way of going about it, he supposed. 

“It should have been me. You’re too delicate for skating, Kaoru, I’m surprised it’s taken this long for your little bird-bones to shatter.” 

“Be quiet,” Kaoru hissed. “Don’t get all self-sacrificing on me. It’s irritating. Would you like to sleep on the couch? Besides, Adam wouldn’t have found you _boring._ ”

Kojiro shifted and lifted Kaoru’s head into his lap. Leaning down, he pressed a feather-light kiss to Kaoru’s head. “Don’t tell me you still care what he thinks after all these years.” 

Kaoru frowned. “I don’t know if I’ll ever stop caring what he thinks.” 

“You loved him,” Kojiro said. “I think that’s normal.”

“So did you.”

“It wasn’t the same for me.”

Kaoru closed his eyes. “No, it wasn’t.”

-

“You didn’t have to take time off work for me, dumbass,” Kaoru snapped. “I don’t know how your shitty restaurant could get worse but I’m sure they’ll manage.” 

It was early afternoon, and Kojiro was making breakfast. It was comfortingly familiar: spending the night together after S, staying up until the sun filtered in through the curtains, waking up late and lazy on days where neither had to work. 

Except for the bandages covering Kaoru from head to toe.

“So you admit my restaurant is better with me there,” Kojiro said. “My, Kaoru, I didn’t know you thought so highly of me. Usually you call my cooking _disgusting_ or _unrefined._ ” 

“Shut up,” Kaoru spat.

Kojiro laughed. “Maybe things are worse than I thought if you can’t even insult me. Do I need to bring you back to the hospital?”

Slumping into his chair, Kaoru sighed. “It’s the pain medication. I’m tired. You should go back to work.” 

“I’m not going back to work, you moron. Planning your funeral would be much more of a hassle than dealing with your whining for a day or two.” 

“I’m not going to die the second you leave me alone, Kojiro. I’m not a child.” Despite his whinging, Kaoru was happy to have Kojiro all to himself for a few days. He’d never done well with being alone with his thoughts, not when he’d grown up with someone as nosy and irritating as Kojiro by his side. 

Kojiro glanced back at him and winked. “Maybe, but I like seeing you vulnerable, baby, you’re usually so mean to me. Who knows when I’ll get a chance like this again.”

“If I could walk I would punch you,” Kaoru said matter-of-factly.

“But you can’t.” 

“Kojiro,” Kaoru said quietly, “can you get me some ice out of the freezer? My ribs are still aching.” 

Kojiro nodded and retrieved an ice pack before pressing it to Kaoru’s ribs. Kaoru took the opportunity to elbow him in the stomach with a serene smile. “Much appreciated, Kojiro.” 

“You conniving asshole,” Kojiro wheezed, doubled over in pain. “I’ll put arsenic in your breakfast.”

“If you hate it that much you can go back to work.”

“I think you lost your chance at getting rid of me at the fifteen-year mark, Kaoru.” 

-

“Reki texted me,” Kojiro said. He was sitting on one end of Kaoru’s sofa, Kaoru’s head cradled in his lap. “Apparently he and Langa figured things out.” 

“I wonder if that’s a good thing,” Kaoru mused. With Reki, Langa was fearless, but perhaps sometimes a little fear was healthy. 

Kojiro looked down at him curiously. “You think they’re better off alone?”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I only wonder if the confidence Reki gives him will be his downfall.” 

“Sounds like someone’s projecting.” Kojiro brushed his thumb over Kaoru’s bottom lip. Kaoru wanted to bite him. “Langa can make his own choices. And who knows, maybe Reki will talk some sense into him.” 

“I doubt it, not if they’re anything like we were at that age,” Kaoru replied. When they were younger, Adam had seemed invincible: a dazzling, far-away star they could only hope to one day reach. Skating with him was like nothing Kaoru had ever felt before, and nothing he would likely ever feel again. Still, the price had been too high; it was only a matter of time before Langa paid it too. 

“It’s not your fault if something happens to Langa,” Kojiro said. “You know that, right? We’ve done our best to help him, and we’ll continue to, but it’s his choice in the end.” 

“If I’d won against him—”

“Stop it, Kaoru. He put you in the hospital. He attacked you because he’s messed up. You are not responsible for his actions any more than you were seven years ago.” Kojiro turned around. “C’mon, breakfast’s ready.” 

-

“I’m not made of glass, idiot,” Kaoru snapped. “Kiss me like you mean it.”

Kojiro, thighs bracketing Kaoru’s waist, eased up. He thumbed at Kaoru’s cheek, fingers coming away wet. “You’re crying, dumbass.” 

“No, I’m not.” He wiped at his face, aiming for discreet but landing somewhere around childish. “I’m fine.” 

Kojiro sighed and rolled off of him, careful not to jostle his injuries. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong any time this century, or should I leave you to rot?” 

Kaoru scoffed. “You know exactly what’s wrong. Don’t pretend you don’t.” He propped himself up on his good arm and looked down at Kojiro with a glare.

“Kaoru,” Kojiro said, breathing the name out like a prayer. He curled his arm around his waist. “I’m not going to leave you because you’re hurting. You should know that by now.” 

-

“Hey, smartass, Carla’s beeping,” Kojirou shouted across the room. They were holed up in Kojiro’s apartment, Kojiro watching TV and Kaoru resting in Kojiro’s room. Carla was plugged in by the sofa.

“I’m fucking sleeping,” Kaoru shouted back.

“Obviously not. Come on, I’m trying to watch something and you’ll skin me if I touch it.” 

“She’s not an it, Kojiro,” Kaoru snapped, but his voice was getting closer. “You’re so needy.” 

“Your dumb machine is making a ruckus in my living room,” Kojiro said. His hair was sticking up all over the place and slightly flat on one side from lying on the couch. 

“A ruckus?” Kaoru echoed. “Are you sixty?” 

“You’re older than me.”

“By four months, you ass—”

“Four months is—”

“Do you want me to fix Carla or not?” 

After finding the source of the nefarious beeping, Kaoru shuffled onto the sofa beside Kojiro. He hadn’t needed the wheelchair for a few days but he was still sore in places he didn’t know could be sore. 

“Change the channel,” Kaoru said. “I hate your American shows.”

Kojiro laughed. “Go to your own apartment.” Still, he turned on the news because he knew Kaoru liked it.

Turned it off when a head of blue hair appeared on the TV.

“I wonder what would’ve happened if we’d done something different,” Kaoru said, voice barely audible over the background noise of the apartment.

Kojiro wrapped his arms around Kaoru’s shoulders, pulling him close against his chest. “Adam is his own person. It wasn’t your job to fix him, or mine, or anyone’s.” He pressed a gentle kiss on Kaoru’s hair. “It’s not your fault he hurt you.” 

“I can’t help but think I deserved it.” Kaoru’s voice cracked. “He’s a monster, but I believed it was different. Because it was me.” 

Kojiro kisses his forehead, then his nose, and his cheek and his mouth. “He was our friend, too. It’s hard to let that go.” 

Sniffling, Kaoru pressed his face into the crook of Kojiro’s neck. “When did you get so wise, idiot?” 

Kojiro hummed. “I’ve always been the smart one.”

“Ah, the six-pack skater—”

“Why don’t you talk to your robot girlfriend if I’m so—” 

“Kojiro,” Kaoru said, “please shut up.” 

Kojiro leaned back, wearing a honey-sweet smile. “I missed you, Kaoru.”

“You’re so stupid. I hate you.”

“And?”

“And thank you, I suppose.”

“You sure have a funny way of saying you love me, you know—”

“Don’t you start—”

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment & follow me on tumblr / twt @ carterchilcott


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